Acupuncture

My first step in my road to healing was trying acupuncture.  I was a little afraid to give it a try, but at the same time I was willing to try almost anything to rid myself of my unrelenting pain.  I felt I had no life any longer and I was so tired of the constant pain.  I found this practitioner entirely by accident...or some might say that I was guided to her.  She had been diagnosed with fibromyalgia herself years before and was also helped by acupuncture.  Our personalities clicked well and I found myself willing to try anything she suggested.  

After my fibromyalgia was diagnosed my IBS kept getting worse.  On her suggestion I stopped all dairy products and realized that I was actually allergic to cows milk.  Staying away from cows milk nearly completely eliminated the constant diarrhea that I'd been dealing with for years.   Acupuncture itself helped relax and soften my constantly stiff muscles.  My thigh muscles were so hard it felt like they were made of plastic.  After about six months of treatment they feel like normal muscles now.

Acupuncture is not a quick fix.  I've been going now for over two years, but now I'm at the point where I only feel the need for a treatment every couple of months.  At first I was going every week.  Because of the pain I was in my acupuncturist wasn't using as many needles as she might use on a person who was going in for back pain or another issue.  Now I can take as many as she feels would help me.  

Another part of acupuncture treatment is herbal.  If you aren't willing to take the herbs as prescribed you won't do as well.  At one point my practitioner was prescribing a special blend from the Oriental College of Medicine.  I was supposed to either drink these in a tea three times a day or mix them into apple sauce.  They tasted horrible...I couldn't gag them down.  I bought some gelatin capsules and filled them and took the herbs that way.  

I started acupuncture in March of 2012 and by July I was feeling almost normal.  I've had a few set backs since then, but the improvement in my life and abilities is easy for anyone who knows me to notice.  I credit the majority of my recovery to acupuncture.

My Road to Healing

Working full time and raising three teenagers is not conducive to blogging.  I wanted a log of how I improved my life after being diagnosed with fibromyalgia...but instead I only have a few entries.  I've improved greatly and I've been doing a lot better for over a year now.  I started going to an acupuncturist and that really started me on the road to healing.  

I was taking Vicodin around the clock before I started going to her.  Then one day there was a mix-up between my pharmacy and my doctor's office and suddenly I had a weekend with no Vicodin.  I didn't realize that I was physically addicted to that drug.  That weekend I went through so much pain.  Before that weekend I was taking 1/2 of a pill every 6 hours.  I kept trying to stretch it out to every 8 hours, but I was finding that almost too hard.  Not realizing I was physically addicted meant that I didn't understand what the drug was doing to my body.  It was actually CAUSING me pain.  I'd take a pill and within 30-40 minutes my pain levels would drop.  I'd have about four good hours but then the drug would start to leave my body and my pain would start returning.  By the time I reached hour six I'd be in so much pain that I'd be counting the minutes until I could take another.  This continued around the clock.  After my weekend of forced withdrawal I realized that my pain levels were far lower.  The pain medication that was supposed to help me was actually making me worse.  I've since read multiple articles stating this same reaction.

Starting with an acupuncturist sent me down a road that I'd thought of before but had been afraid (or admittedly unwilling) to try.  I realized that western medicine did not have my best interests at heart.  I don't blame my medical practitioner.  He was doing the best he knew how with the training he was given.  In the next several posts I'll share the steps I took in order to feel better...very nearly my old self. 

I'm fine, really.

How are you?  the greeting that everyone knows isn't usually a real question.  Everyone expects the usual "Fine, and you?"  The typical North American exchange.  Everyone knows that "how are you?" really doesn't imply any interest in the other person's well being. This is why I'm seldom honest when asked. When a person stops me and asks "really?" after I answer "fine" I'm often moved to tears. To have someone care enough to want to know how I'm really doing is a gift.

I often wonder what people would think if I gave an honest answer.  If I answered every person honestly who asked "How are you?" I'd never get anything done. Not to mention that people would be sure to stop asking me. I hurt. Every day I hurt. There is never a time when I don't hurt. So what do I say when people ask "How are you?" My usual answer is just like everyone else, "fine."  I let myself go silent because I don't want to seem like a whiner.

On particularly bad days I'll usually say something along the lines of "I'm here" or "I'm alive" or "surviving." My own private code that few understand to mean "Please just shoot me now and put me out of my misery."

On my good days I'll usually answer "I'm good."

An invisible illness is easy to forget. If you don't know that the person next to you is dealing with a chronic illness you may not realize how well she is hiding her pain.

Trying to heal

I usually try to avoid New Year's Resolutions simply because I hate the guilt when I break them. This year though I decided that rather than the usual diet and exercise resolutions I'd try to eliminate processed foods from my diet.

This is easier said than done. When I'm hungry and McDonald's is right in front of me it is really hard not to pull into the drive through. For right now just thinking of the pink paste picture that is circling the internet is enough to make me gag and drive right on by.

Sometimes deciding what is a processed food is difficult. I’m not yet ready to start making my own pasta so is it okay to buy sprouted wheat pasta and eat that? What about bread? I have a bread maker so is it better to make my own white bread or is it better to buy sprouted wheat bread?

I’m not going to make cheese, butter or cottage cheese, that stuff I’m going to buy, trying to find organic whenever possible. I’m hoping to join a CSA (community supported agriculture) as soon as possible so I can get organic fresh from the farm produce and grass fed meat.

My goal with this diet is to hopefully make my body healthier than it has been in years. I’m not sure if eating all of this processed foods, artificial ingredients, preservatives and other chemicals caused my fibromyalgia. I’m sure it didn’t help. I don’t know if it is too late to undo the damage already done. I can only be sure that by changing my diet I won’t be doing more damage.

The Christmas I did the least

Tomorrow is Christmas. Right now I'm finishing off a slice of pizza, emailing a few last minute amazon gift certificates and relaxing.

In years past I've hand made the majority of my gifts, cleaned the house top to bottom, put up the fresh cut tree and the decorations all over the house. Usually I spent the majority of Christmas day traveling between the homes of various family members.

This year for the second year in a row we put up our fake tree and the kids did all of the decorating. I didn't make any gifts. Many of the gifts I gave were delivered by Amazon or Harry and David (those guys are wonderful) though I did manage buy and to wrap the gifts for my own children.

I decided that working full time with fibromyalgia is enough...all of the old expectations need to go by the wayside. We'll see if it feels like Christmas tomorrow.

I need to be normal some days

Yesterday I went out with a friend and a co-worker to spend the day at IKEA. There is only one Ikea in Oregon, so it took a little over two hours to drive there. The store is HUGE. I haven't been there for several years and I really wanted to go look for some furniture for my daughter's tiny bedroom.

I was looking forward to spending time with my friend. I've always liked my co-worker, we were friends before she interviewed me for the job I have now. But I've been careful who I let know that I have fibromyalgia. She is now a supervisor for another team and I don't want to limit my chances for future promotions. So, I was worried about how it might look to her if I got tired too quickly.

For the Ikea uninitiated, the top floor is the showroom with a long maze-like path winding you through the showroom which was full of dozens of tiny examples of living spaces. My IBS was acting up while I was upstairs in the showroom and there is only one restroom on both floors so I had to be careful while navigating the maze to remember how to get back to the bathroom at all times. There is also a restaurant there, YUM, I love Swedish meatballs with lingonberry preserves.

After that you go downstairs to shop before hitting the huge Costco-like warehouse to pick up your boxes with the parts of your furniture. I wasn't sure I'd make it through. In the showroom there are hundreds of chairs and places to rest. However, once you get downstairs you have to really look for benches and places to sit.

I made it through with only limited pain and fatigue during and afterwards. I had a day were I felt as close to normal as I've felt in a long time. I had to keep taking my pain killers and tried to be discrete about it. I didn't talk about fibromyalgia the entire time we were together. I was a normal person out shopping with friends.

I knew not to plan anything today. I'm praying that I won't be too tired tomorrow. I need to go to work. But even if everything isn't perfect, it was worth it for the day of near normalcy.

What happened to my control?

chron·ic   [kron-ik] adjective

Having long had a disease...(of a disease) having long duration (opposed to acute).

Long duration...I've only been diagnosed for three months and it already feels like I've had this for years. The habit of waking early enough to take my pain meds and going back to sleep for an hour so when it is time to get up and get ready for work my pain isn't debilitating. The habit of standing still for a moment after getting out of a chair or my car or bed to make sure that I have my balance and to see what is hurting. Watching people move effortlessly and wishing I could make them understand what a blessing that is; that someday it could be gone in an instant.

I'm better than I was. Putting on my bra used to take fifteen minutes and more than once I just stood there and cried. I'm re-learning how to walk normally again. I've been walking with a limp and short steps for so long that I've forgotten how to walk normally. My hands don't hurt nearly as much as I used to and I'm starting to build up their strength again.

I've made numerous adjustments: bras with a larger band size, slip on shoes, picking what seats to use very carefully and wearing clothes that aren't too tight or hard to get off. I'm learning my limits and how far I can push myself. I'm getting more sleep, eating better, taking supplements and visiting the chiropractor. I'm learning that it is important to take care of me, so that I'm able to take care of the rest of my family.

Chronic...maybe forever...that is a long time, very hard to wrap my mind around it. If I think about it too hard I want to panic, or cry. So I try to focus on today. Today is enough, I don't need to worry about any more than that.